7 Ways to Maximize Misery 😞 (2023)


Adapted from How to Be Miserable by Randy J. Paterson PhD: www.amazon.com/How-Be-Miserable-Strategies-Already/dp/1626254060/

VERY IMPORTANT FOOTNOTE: www.youtube.com/watch

Special Thanks: Randy J. Paterson PhD


Mark Govea, Thomas J Miller Jr MD, Bob Kunz, John Buchan, Andres Villacres, Nevin Spoljaric, Christian Cooper, Michael Little, Ripta Pasay, Tony DiLascio, Richard Jenkins, Chris Chapin, Saki Comandao, Tod Kurt, Jason Lewandowski, Michael Mrozek, Phil Gardner, سليمان العقل, Jordan Melville, Martin , Steven Grimm, rictic , Ian , Faust Fairbrook, Chris Woodall, Kozo Ota, Colin Millions, Guillermo , Timothy Basanov, Chris Harshman, ChoiceMechanicalDenver.com , Donal Botkin, David Michaels, Ron Bowes, Tómas Árni Jónasson, Mikko , Derek Bonner, Derek Jackson, Orbit_Junkie , Alistair Forbes, Robert Grünke (trainfart), Veronica Peshterianu, Paul Tomblin, Travis Wichert, chrysilis , Ryan E Manning, Erik Parasiuk, Rhys Parry, Maarten van der Blij, Kevin Anderson, Ryan Nielsen, Esteban Santana Santana, Dag Viggo Lokøen, Tristan Watts-Willis, John Rogers, Edward Adams, Leon , ken mcfarlane, Brandon Callender, Timothy Moran, Peter Lomax, Emil , Tijmen van Dien, ShiroiYami , Alex Schuldberg, Bear , Jacob Ostling, Solon Carter, Rescla , Andrew Proue, Tor Henrik Lehne, David Palomares, Cas Eliëns, Freddi Hørlyck, Ernesto Jimenez, Osric Lord-Williams, Maxime Zielony, Lachlan Holmes , John Bevan, John Lee, Ian N Riopel, AUFFRAY Clement, David , Alex Morales, Alexander Kosenkov, Elizabeth Keathley, Kevin , Pierre Perrott, Tadeo Kondrak, James Bissonette, Jahmal O'Neil, Naturally Curious, Nantiwat , Tianyu Ge, Kevin Jeun, Jason Ruel, JoJo Chehebar, Danny Lunianga Xavier, Jeremy Peng, Jennifer Richardson, Rustam Anvarov

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Happiness -- many will advise you how to obtain it, but maybe you're not trying to be happy.

Your actions aim for the opposite.

You want to be the saddest saddo sailing on the sea of sadness, -- much easier to achieve, and this video has 7 tactics to get.

You started toward the dark currents, at least one of which you are already doing.


Let's begin.

First, stay still.

Remain indoors as much as possible, preferably in the same room.

Be, the human equivalent of a pile of laundry -- inert, unmoving.


Let a beautiful day tempt you for a walk.


Anything even vaguely.


This keeps reward chemicals out of your brain, which could diverge.

You and stillness guides you towards medical problems, which will keep this wheel.


Stillness is the most effective thing you can do, so be the laundry pile.

Make your bedroom, your allroom.

Live and work and play and sleep in the smallest radius.

You can.

Which, brings us to screw with your sleep.

The wrath of insomnia will be your co-pilot on the sea of sadness.

Her mere presence is unpleasant, but she also helps confuse the productive part of your brain, which might look to navigate you toward the islands of happiness on the horizon.

More on that later.


Regular sleep cycle is a fragile thing and takes at least three days to establish.

Be sure, then, to vary your bedtime by several hours.

Twice a week, at least., Even better: vary your wake.


Sleep in late, preferably very late, some, but not all days.

And tell yourself.

You are making up for sleep to feel like you're doing something healthy, even though you feel terrible when you wake up early and when you wake up late.

Irregular sleep is another of the sea's accelerating currents.

The more.

You vary your sleep, the harder, regular sleep becomes, which makes your sleep more variable., To, never sleep or wake at the same time, naturally, is the goal.

And to help in this, maximize your screen.


Staying on-screen complements the previous sailing.


Boredom could drive you to motion, so let the screen entertain.


Tiredness can push you to sleep.

So let the screen keep you awake, sort of.

As long as possible.

Always fall asleep, with a screen in your hand and put your eyes back on it as soon as you wake.

Every moment, away from a screen is a moment.

You might notice the horizon.

Keep your head down and let the currents pull you.


You have allies, unknown.


The screen are teams of the smartest people and brightest bots competing to hold your attention on them as long as possible.

Let them reach you to pull you back.

If you turn away.

Plus, screens help with number four: use your screen to stoke your negative emotions, to feed your anger or anxiety about things over which you have no control or influence.

Be, well informed.

While doing nothing.

The things you care about, could be navigational guides out of the sea, reasons, to leave your allroom and take meaningful action with the humans around you.


You can instead use the things you care about as further sources of misery.

Focus on the bad to fuel, your resentment or despair.


You must contribute, do so only in meaningless token ways and be disappointed in the lack of change.

We're coming towards the end and if you're doing it, right, misery is descending.


Some part of your brain is rebelling, trying to turn the ship by setting a goal., If you're, not careful, that part of your brain just might save you, but luckily we can do more than just hobble.


We can fool it to navigate deeper into the sea.

To reach goals.

They must be specific, measurable, actionable, for which you are responsible, and time.


I will turn the wheel.

One degree right: now.

Instead, set the productive part of your brain on vapid, goals:, vague, amorphous, pie-in-the-sky, irrelevant, delayed.

Make, the target unclear and the path unclear.

If motivation, strikes, aim ridiculously high to guarantee failure.

I will clean.

The whole house today is much better than I will do the laundry in this pile.

Cleaning a whole house is impossible.

There's, always more to do, so you will always fail.

Focus on goals that are after what you wish to achieve.

Learn, how to market an app before you learn to code.


Will distract the productive part of your brain? Quite nicely., And be sure to wait for motivation rather than setting a time.

You'll do something when you feel like it, which will be never or never enough to matter.

With vapid goals.

You will turn the productive part of your brain from a dangerous source of self-improvement that rewards every small step into a consistent nag that berates you for your failure to have already accomplished your goal.

Every step of the way.

Now, the vapid goals.

You've set should distract the productive part of your brain, but if it still fights against you, direct it towards the mirage on the sea of sadness:, the islands of happiness, themselves., Pursue happiness, directly., The human mind is such that by setting sail towards happiness, you will achieve the opposite.

Imagine happiness as a place where happy people are happy.

All the time.

This turns happiness into an unreachable feeling of constant bliss that no one has.

True happiness is like a bird that might land on your ship.

But never if you constantly stand guard to catch it.

Instead, improve your ship and sail into warmer waters.


The bird will land when you aren't looking.

Uh -- so be sure, never to do that.

Aim toward the mirage of happiness rather than improving the ship upon which you sail.

Last, but most important, follow your instincts.

Navigation deeper into the sea of sadness is quite easy, for there is a dark magnetic field that points the compass of your impulses in the right direction.

Once you get started.

You will want to stay indoors.

You will want to not exercise.

You will want to sleep in.

You will want to do what you know will make you sadder after you've done it.

Your compass points the way, both in and out, so follow the true north of your impulses and stay away from that other pole of the long-term.


All so simple.

Just get started with these tactics and let the sea carry you.


This video was produced as an adaptation of How to Be Miserable by Dr.

Randy J.

Patterson, which is a great example of how thinking about the opposite of your goal can help you achieve what you really want.


If you want to listen to it for free, you can do so on Audible.com with their free 30-day trial.

Audible is the best place to get your audiobooks.

It's, where I get my audiobooks and you should too.

Audible content includes an unmatched selection of audiobooks, original audio shows, news, comedy, and more.


You want to listen to it, Audible has it.

Go to audible.com/grey to get your free audio book with a 30-day trial.


You can get How to Be Miserable or any other book that you want.

We briefly covered seven of the strategies from the book, but there are 33 more and I highly recommend that everyone read it to find the ones that most resonate with you.

Audible is simply the best.

You can listen to your book anywhere.

They will always sync your place, and they have a great, listen.


If you don't like a book that you bought, you can just swap it, no questions: asked., Once, again, that's audible.com/grey for a free 30-day trial.


How do you recover from misery? ›

5 Ways to Cope with Feeling Miserable
  1. Practice Gratitude. When we feel miserable, it's hard to see all of the positive things in our lives. ...
  2. Journal. This method right here? ...
  3. Comfort Yourself Like a Friend. ...
  4. Engage in Something Creative. ...
  5. Find a Positive Distraction.
Apr 20, 2021

How can I make my miserable life better? ›

Try these 12 ways to become less miserable—and even happier—right now:
  1. Recognize the unhappiness you are experiencing. ...
  2. Offer yourself some compassion. ...
  3. Give yourself permission to be happy when possible. ...
  4. Experience pleasing and healthy distractions. ...
  5. Hold tightly to your self-care program.
Aug 28, 2017

How to become miserable? ›

7 Surefire Ways to Make Yourself Completely Miserable
  1. Stay still. Aim for as little movement as possible.
  2. Screw with your sleep. ...
  3. Maximize your screen time. ...
  4. Use your screen to stoke your negative emotions.
  5. Set VAPID goals. ...
  6. Pursue happiness directly.
  7. Follow your instincts.
Jun 6, 2017

Is Misery a feeling? ›

Misery describes a miserable situation and a miserable feeling.

What are the 5 steps of misery? ›

The Kübler-Ross model which describes the process of grief through 5 steps being denial, anger, bargaining, depression & acceptance.

Is there a cure for Unhappiness? ›

There's no cure for depression, but you still have plenty of options for treatment, all of which can improve your symptoms and minimize their impact on your daily life.

What happens when you're miserable? ›

You feel beaten down by the challenges you face in your life. You suffer from a variety of vague, hard-to-treat physical symptoms, such as fatigue, chronic pain, weight gain or loss, insomnia, skin disorders, or gastrointestinal symptoms. You struggle with being able to accept love and nurturing.

How do you stay happy in a sad world? ›

10 Ways to Have Happiness Back in Your Depressing World
  1. Always surround yourself with people who love you. ...
  2. Distract yourself by doing something you love. ...
  3. Smile, laugh and play as often as you can. ...
  4. Be grateful for what you already have in life. ...
  5. Write down your thoughts to calm the mind. ...
  6. Go back to nature.
Feb 23, 2014

How does a miserable person act? ›

A miserable person is one who cannot find joy in life, no matter what the situation may be. Everything they see is negative and any motivation or desire to partake in enjoyable activities has been replaced by a feeling of despair and hopelessness.

What causes a person to be miserable? ›

5. Chronic inactivity, lack of exercise, and poor nutrition. Physical activity and nutrition are both fundamentally linked to happiness. In fact, one study in the Clinical Journal of Sports Medicine found that “People who were inactive ... were more than twice as likely to be unhappy as those who remained active.”

What are the symptoms of being miserable? ›

Psychological symptoms
  • continuous low mood or sadness.
  • feeling hopeless and helpless.
  • having low self-esteem.
  • feeling tearful.
  • feeling guilt-ridden.
  • feeling irritable and intolerant of others.
  • having no motivation or interest in things.
  • finding it difficult to make decisions.

What does it mean to be full of misery? ›

: a state of great suffering and want due to poverty or misfortune. : a source of misery. 3. : a state of unhappiness.

What does life is full of misery mean? ›

phrase. If someone makes your life a misery, they behave in an unpleasant way towards you over a period of time and make you very unhappy.

Am I addicted to misery? ›

People who are addicted to unhappiness tend to: Find reasons to be miserable when life gets “too good.” Prefer to play the victim role and blame others rather than take personal responsibility for their choices. Compete with friends and colleagues to see who has it the hardest.

What are the 4 paths of grief? ›

Grief is experienced emotionally, cognitively, physically, and spiritually.

What are the 5 paths of grief? ›

About 50 years ago, grief expert Elisabeth Kübler-Ross noticed a pattern in the experience of grief and she summarized this pattern as the “five stages of grief,” which are: denial and isolation, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance.

What are the four quadrants of grief? ›

She spoke regularly about unconditional love, the importance of dealing with our unfinished business, the symbolic language sometimes used by dying people, the four quadrants of the human being: the physical, intellectual, emotional and spiritual, and AIDS.

What is the most painful emotion? ›


It really is the worst feeling, but it's also motivated some great art over the years.

How do you let go and move on? ›

Tips for letting go
  1. Create a positive mantra to counter the painful thoughts. ...
  2. Create physical distance. ...
  3. Do your own work. ...
  4. Practice mindfulness. ...
  5. Be gentle with yourself. ...
  6. Allow the negative emotions to flow. ...
  7. Accept that the other person may not apologize. ...
  8. Engage in self-care.
Sep 1, 2018

How do you mentally turn off emotions? ›

Here are some pointers to get you started.
  1. Take a look at the impact of your emotions. Intense emotions aren't all bad. ...
  2. Aim for regulation, not repression. ...
  3. Identify what you're feeling. ...
  4. Accept your emotions — all of them. ...
  5. Keep a mood journal. ...
  6. Take a deep breath. ...
  7. Know when to express yourself. ...
  8. Give yourself some space.
Apr 28, 2020

What are the 8 causes of unhappiness? ›

He first identified eight maladies that were causing unhappiness in his age: Meaninglessness, competition, boredom, fatigue, envy, guilt and shame, persecution mania and fear of public opinion.

What is the root cause of unhappiness? ›

According to Dalai Lama, the root cause of human unhappiness stems from misunderstanding—many people don't really understand where their emotions—both positive and negative—stem from. The solution, he counsels, is to educate yourself both about your emotions and the circumstances that give rise to them.

How long does unhappiness last? ›

Major depressive disorder (MDD)

MDD episodes can last between 6 and 18 months or longer. If you start treatment soon after you experience the first symptoms, you might be more likely to recover and prevent future episodes.

Can unhappiness make you ill? ›

Depression, anxiety, and stress have been shown to affect the movement and contractions of the GI tract, which can cause diarrhea, constipation, and nausea. Your emotions also appear to impact stomach acid production, which can increase the risk of ulcers.

How to regain happiness? ›

How to be happier
  1. Manage your stress levels. If you have a lot of stress in your life, find ways to reduce it, such as learning a few time-management techniques. ...
  2. Enjoy yourself. ...
  3. Boost your self-esteem. ...
  4. Have a healthy lifestyle. ...
  5. Talk and share. ...
  6. Build your resilience.

How do you live with someone who is never happy? ›

  1. Maintain appropriate boundaries. Remind yourself constantly that your loved one's unhappiness is not your own. ...
  2. Allow your loved one space to be unhappy. ...
  3. Give yourself space from them. ...
  4. Defend your own happiness fiercely. ...
  5. Suggest professional help. ...
  6. Detach with love.
Mar 27, 2011

How do I change my mindset from sad to happy? ›

7 Tips to Change Your Mind to Be Happy (With Examples!)
  1. Practice mindfulness and meditation.
  2. Practice gratitude.
  3. Practice positive affirmations.
  4. Try therapy.
  5. Exercise more.
  6. Fulfilment & aspirations.
  7. Social relationships.
Jan 29, 2023

How do you make a sad heart happy? ›

Self-care strategies
  1. Give yourself permission to grieve. ...
  2. Take care of yourself. ...
  3. Lead the way in letting people know what you need. ...
  4. Write down what you need (aka the 'notecard method') ...
  5. Go outdoors. ...
  6. Read self-help books and listen to podcasts. ...
  7. Try a feel-good activity. ...
  8. Seek professional help.
Sep 20, 2019

How can I change my mood from sad to happy? ›

15 small things you can do every day to improve your mood
  1. Wake up earlier. Set your alarm to go off 15 minutes before you normally get up. ...
  2. Make a friend smile. ...
  3. Have a quick tidy up. ...
  4. Write a diary entry. ...
  5. Smile at the first stranger you see. ...
  6. Take a walk. ...
  7. Look through old photographs. ...
  8. Put some laundry on.
Apr 20, 2020

What is the psychology of a miserable person? ›

A miserable person is NEVER happy for someone else. Miserable people think someone else's success or good fortune takes away from them. They view life as a zero sum game due to their scarcity mindset. Miserable people do NOT have an abundance mindset that there is enough love, success, and resources to go around.

What do you call someone who is always miserable? ›

Other forms: morosest. A morose person is sullen, gloomy, sad, glum, and depressed — not a happy camper.

What is an example of a miserable person? ›

If you describe someone as miserable, you mean that you do not like them because they are bad-tempered or unfriendly. He always was a miserable man. He never spoke to me nor anybody else, not even to pass the time of day.

How do you deal with someone who makes you miserable? ›

4 Smart Responses When Others Try to Make You Unhappy
  1. Be sympathetic (because envy is human nature). ...
  2. Listen and don't answer (because they may be projecting their own feelings onto you). ...
  3. Remember that making yourself happy is good (no matter what anyone says). ...
  4. Get some space (because sometimes that's the only solution).
Oct 17, 2018

What are the 5 levels of depression? ›

  • About the types of depression. Everyone experiences depression differently. ...
  • Major depression. Also known as: clinical depression, depression, unipolar depression. ...
  • Dysthymic disorder. ...
  • Bipolar disorder. ...
  • Cyclothymic disorder. ...
  • Seasonal affective disorder (SAD) ...
  • Do I have depression?

Can you tell if someone is depressed by their eyes? ›

Eye floaters are quite common in people suffering from depression. Either open or closed, they see these little black or grey spots in their vision having the appearance of cobwebs or strings.

How to tell if someone is bipolar? ›

Symptoms - Bipolar disorder
  1. feeling sad, hopeless or irritable most of the time.
  2. lacking energy.
  3. difficulty concentrating and remembering things.
  4. loss of interest in everyday activities.
  5. feelings of emptiness or worthlessness.
  6. feelings of guilt and despair.
  7. feeling pessimistic about everything.
  8. self-doubt.

What are the three types of misery? ›

In conformity to that spiritual process, Sanatana has already asked, "What am l, and why am I suffering from the threefold miseries?" The threefold miseries are called adhyatmika, adhibhautika, and adhidaivika. The word adhyatmika refers to those miseries caused by the mind and body.

What is neurotic misery? ›

Neurotic misery refers to problems that we cause ourselves because of our issues and hang-ups. For example, maybe our anxiety holds up back from fully engaging in life. Perhaps our depression keeps us from enjoying the day-to-day joys and pleasures in our lives.

What does most miserable person mean? ›

1. unhappy or depressed; wretched. 2. causing misery, discomfort, etc.

What is the peak age of Misery? ›

He pinpoints 47.2 as the age of peak unhappiness in the developed world, and 48.2 in developing nations.

What is the famous line from Misery? ›

Annie Wilkes : MISERY IS ALIVE, MISERY IS ALIVE! OH, This whole house is going to be full of romance, OOOH, I AM GOING TO PUT ON MY LIBERACE RECORDS!

Why do people find comfort in Misery? ›

Lifelong struggles with trauma or other negative experiences may fuel an unconscious desire to continually return to the status quo of unhappiness. Some people who seem comfortable in their misery actually may be suffering from an underlying mental health disorder.

Are some people destined to be unhappy? ›

Are we destined to be unhappy? Some people might struggle a little harder to enhance their wellbeing than others, and that struggle may mean that they will continue to be unhappy for longer periods. And in extreme cases, they may never experience high levels of happiness.

What is addiction depression? ›

Depression is common among people battling an addiction to drugs or alcohol. Substance abuse can trigger or intensify the feelings of loneliness, sadness and hopelessness often associated with depression. An estimated one-third of people with major depression also have an alcohol problem.

What is emotional addict? ›

People with emotional addiction can become dependent on a certain emotion for comfort, relief, distraction or escape. The emotion grows into an obsession, a compulsion and an addiction. Those who develop an emotional addiction might feel as if they live at the mercy of their feelings.

What is the main cause of misery? ›

Main cause of misery in our life is friction between our body and mind.

How do you recover from a sad life? ›

What you can do
  1. Acknowledge what's happening. It is okay to not feel okay. ...
  2. Prioritize taking care of yourself. ...
  3. Be mindful of how you're feeling. ...
  4. Maintain connections with others. ...
  5. Seek help from a professional if your sadness becomes overwhelming or feels unmanageable.

How long does misery last? ›

Misery (film)
Running time107 minutes
CountryUnited States
Budget$20 million
13 more rows

What causes misery in life? ›

Hatred and aversion comes with an unpleasant experience. Aversion brings the same misery as happiness brings. Craving and aversion are both sources of misery. Abhinivesha(fear), an unknown fear.

What are the three types of Misery? ›

In conformity to that spiritual process, Sanatana has already asked, "What am l, and why am I suffering from the threefold miseries?" The threefold miseries are called adhyatmika, adhibhautika, and adhidaivika. The word adhyatmika refers to those miseries caused by the mind and body.

What is Misery in the Bible? ›

All misery, including most pain, is the result of sin, but not all pain is the result of our own sin. Christ was without sin, yet He was “a man of sorrows and acquainted with grief” (Isa. 53:3; cf.

How do you stay positive in a depressing world? ›

How To Stay Positive In Dark Times
  1. Exercise.
  2. Mentally Reframe The Situation.
  3. Surround Yourself With Positive People.
  4. Practice Gratitude.
Sep 28, 2018

How do I overcome sadness and loneliness? ›

If you want to know what to do when you feel lonely, consider these 5 tips:
  1. Acknowledge Your Feelings of Loneliness. ...
  2. Know When to Engage or Disengage From the Online World. ...
  3. Find a Volunteer Opportunity as a Way to Feel Less Lonely. ...
  4. Join a Group or Club to Overcome Loneliness With In-Person Connections. ...
  5. Practice Self-Care.

How long should sadness last? ›

On average, normal grief can last anywhere from 6 months to 2 years or more. Research shows that many people find their grief starts to improve within about 6 months after a loss.

What are the stages of Misery? ›

The five stages – denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance – are often talked about as if they happen in order, moving from one stage to the other. You might hear people say things like 'Oh I've moved on from denial and now I think I'm entering the angry stage'.

What happens at end of Misery? ›

The final scene sees Sheldon in New York many months after his experience, meeting his agent, talking about the book he finally got to write in spite of Annie's best efforts. He admits that although he wrote the book for himself, a part of it belongs to Annie Wilkes and that her torture shaped it.

What psychological disorder does Misery have? ›

Both the novel and the film portray her as extremely paranoid, and also suggest that she may have borderline personality disorder. In the novel, she has day-long bouts with depression, during which she is seen maiming herself; Sheldon also finds evidence that she gorges herself on vast quantities of food.

What causes deep unhappiness? ›

Unhappiness is usually a byproduct of stress, anger, insecurity, unhealed trauma, frustration, low self-esteem, poor health, hunger not under your control, lack of belonging/connection, or lack of life purpose/meaning.

What is the lowest depth of misery? ›

“Q: What do you regard as the lowest depth of misery? A: Living in fear.”

What makes humans happy? ›

Besides close relationships, there are two other things that predict happiness in people: having a job or hobby that they love and that challenges them and helping others through volunteer work, random acts of kindness or another type of prosocial behavior. All three of these things make sense.

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